The butter face milf

The setting is a local restaurant that CHP and myself eat at a lot. A woman with a very good body sits with what we assume is her son at a table across from us.

CHP: MILF!!!

El Pollo Loco: Dude, I know. I wonder where daddy is.

CHP: Probably in jail.

Woman and child get up to leave.

CHP: Butter face...

El Pollo Loco: That face has the look of many nights of crying herself to sleep, heavy drinking, and probably sneaking out late at night for a smoke after the kid falls alseep... Or maybe she's just ugly and I'm over analizing this too much.

Poop and sex

You all remember the movie Golden Eye? Do you remember the girl that kills people by crushing them to death with her legs?

El Pollo Loco: Wouldn't that be an awesome way to die?

CHP: Yes, yes it would be.

El Pollo Loco: Dude think about it. Your having sex with a girl, she crushes you as your about to climax then you die... Then you shit yourself.

CHP: That's why I poop so much. I don't want to die with a full colon.

Women's curling

Faster: "Guys womens curling is on tonight!"

Captain Happy Pants: "What are they gonna be curling? Their hair? 'Oooh that's a pretty bad neck burn, yeah judges aren't gonna like that.'"



El Pollo Loco: "Listening to women's curling is like listening to porn. All they say is, 'Yeah! Keep going! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Keep going! OK stop! Stop!'"

Marriage talks

Mini Adonis: "I'd like to think I could kill my wife and not go crazy..."

Captain Happy Pants: "Well it's not like women are real people anyway."

Mini Adonis: "Exactly! It's just like putting your dog down."

Sexism?

El Pollo Loco: "Holy shit that car parks itself!"

Xelassaba: "Well that'll be good for women"

Mini Adonis is not impressed with Apolo Ohno

Mini Adonis: "Winning gold in speed skating is like winning gold in sucking cock."

Foot in mouth

Setting: WalMart electronics section, in the background is a plump girl with what the audience assumes is her boyfriend. Enter on Captain Happy Pants and El Pollo Loco staring openly at an attractive redhead WalMart employee.

Captain Happy Pants: "She's totally hot"

Mini Adonis: "I dunno, she could stand to work out. I like less cush where I push"

Incredulous look from plump girl

Drunk before nine

El Pollo Loco: "let me puss something on twitter."

El Pollo Loco: "Really? You look like a coors man to me"

Captain Happy Pants: "Yeah well you look like a tampon man to me."

Mom joke!

Captain Happy Pants: "I can't wait until humans get over this whole 'sanctity of life' fad that they're going through and just gut someone during the Olympics opening show"

Captain Happy Pants' mother: "Apparently they did this morning with that bob sledder from Georgia"

Captain Happy Pants: "MOM! WTF!?"